


Keeping in Touch

by CheshirePrime



Category: Camilla Dickinson - Madeleine L'Engle
Genre: Epistolary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 21:40:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5471663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheshirePrime/pseuds/CheshirePrime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reaching out without revealing oneself is a difficult balancing act, but not reaching out would be unthinkable. A series of letters from New York to boarding school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keeping in Touch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Thewordlover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewordlover/gifts).



> Dear Camilla,
> 
> I know I’ve said it before, but I have to say it again: I think it was _appalling_ of your parents to leave you incarcerated in that boarding school while they’re off in Italy being cultured and sophisticated. Just think of all the atmosphere you could be absorbing right now! Fashion and history and art and I don’t even know what else. At least if you were in Italy you could write and tell me all about it and it would be almost as good as seeing it for myself. But boarding school -- ugh! Of course I want to hear everything that happens to _you_ , but I couldn’t possibly care less about trying to absorb the atmosphere through your letters. Just thinking of having to live with the people I go to school with and never having any time to myself makes me, for once, almost grateful to be poor.
> 
> Although, I should say, we _do_ have more money now that it’s just Mona and me here. I actually get my allowance every week, which is lucky since you’re not around to loan me money anymore (and I would never, ever let anyone but you make me a loan). I try to save at least half of it, though, because I get a sort of sinking feeling in my stomach when I think about how much college and medical school will cost, and anyway you never know when you might suddenly need to finance a plan. When I was little I used to try and make plans for running away -- you know, where I would stay and how I could support myself -- and I always gave up because even a child knows you can’t last long on the $1.50 you have in your piggy bank.
> 
> School is dull without you. No one else is as interesting and worthwhile as you are. That sounds very snobbish but it’s true: there are nice girls and bad girls and pretty girls and clever girls, but none of them understand me or talk to me or argue with me or love me the way you do. So I spend all my time working, and I’m afraid I’m getting a reputation as a brain because I’m first in the class in Latin and science and geometry. It may not do much for my popularity but I guess it’ll help when I need to apply for scholarships, and anyway I don’t think most doctors have time for a social life while they’re in school so I might as well get used to it.
> 
> The funny thing is, I used to love being at school and hate to be at home, and now it’s the opposite. Or not _quite_ opposite, because I don’t exactly hate school and I certainly don’t love being at home, especially when Mona gets melancholy which she does more often now, but at least when there’s no Bill for _her_ to fight with and no Frank for _me_ to, the apartment is almost peaceful. Even when Mona does get in a mood, I can come in my own room and shut the door and know that nothing is going to disturb me.
> 
> There, I said Frank’s name even though I hadn't wanted to. He doesn’t send me letters, not that I expected him to, but he does send postcards for my collection and he always writes something on them, even if it’s just a sentence. Sometimes it’s something he saw that he knows I’ll think is funny, and sometimes it’s something he thought about and knows I won’t agree with, but the nice thing about postcards is that it’s hard to have an argument that way, so we don’t. Does he write to you? Or has he given you up entirely? If so, I hope you’re not terribly depressed or anything. Remember that I did warn you.
> 
> That's a terrible note to end on, isn't it? I'm sorry. I don't want to argue with you, not now, not when you're not here to make up. And not when you could win just by cutting me off and not writing back. Please don't cut me off, Camilla. I still need you to be my friend. Write to me soon, because I miss you horribly.
> 
> Your friend,  
>  Luisa

> Camilla,
> 
> I lied. I want to know everything about the school; I want to be able to picture you there. Your letter didn't say much about it (my fault, I know) but it was still obvious that your feelings about it are important, and I know you won't talk about them unless I make you, and I think it's good for you, so you should write down all your perceptions and I'll analyze them to the best of my ability.
> 
> What are the other girls like? Is there anyone nice? Of course I hope you'll have friends there but I also hope that you won't meet anyone you like more than me. If you do, please don't tell me.
> 
> It must be awful to be back under constant supervision again. I remember you saying how much you liked being allowed to go out on your own these last two years. If it helps, the weather has been absolutely wretched here and you wouldn't have wanted to go out anyway. Just getting to and from school is unpleasant enough, but of course Oscar needs his walk at night, and _that_ is almost unbearable. 
> 
> Last night when I came in with Oscar, Mona actually had dinner waiting for me. Only soup from a can and some sandwiches, but it's the first time in ages that she's made dinner and then actually sat down to eat with me. She asked how my day at school was, of all the crazy things! I'm not sure how to feel about that. It's almost disturbing when someone does something so completely out of character. She was definitely not drunk, though (I was worried at first that she might have been). 
> 
> How are your parents doing? I'm sure you've heard from them by now. Of course you probably won't tell me what's going on with them, but on the off chance that you _do_ want to, you know that I'm a receptive audience and that I won't tell anybody.
> 
> Sincerely,  
>  Luisa 

> Camilla,
> 
> Thanks for the long letter. I'm always glad to hear from you, but somehow you managed to time that so it came on a day when I was feeling blue. Mona and I had an argument about money, and how we'd afford for me to go to medical school, and I told her not to worry about it, that I could take care of myself, and she didn't take it well. Luckily for me she's distracted by a deadline at work, so she's had plenty to keep her busy and off my back, but we're being polite to each other and you know how I hate that. 
> 
> So it was nice to think about you instead. Your school does sound depressing. I can't imagine having no upper-level science courses. What are they thinking? Let me guess: they're thinking that nice girls can leave that to their husbands. I'm more fed up than ever with that idea, and it seems like it's becoming omni-present. Everyone suddenly has a boyfriend, or spends all their time thinking about how to get one, and I never realized until now that you and I mostly didn't talk about that. I don't even really know how anyone would go about attracting a boy; it seems like it's all dumb luck anyhow.
> 
> So, let me ask you some questions, and please write back: 1) tell me something about the stars. I feel like I'm getting ignorant without you to tell me what's what. 2) Who do you admire most in the world? Living or dead (and if it's some astronomer, you'll have to tell me who they are or I won't know). 3) What do you think about going to college early? There's a school that will give scholarships to students who start early, and I'm thinking about trying. You could try too. We both know we're smart -- why not see if we can get a better education? Your parents couldn't object to you going to college instead of boarding school, could they? A dorm is a dorm, and there'd be a house mother to keep you out of trouble, and I'll bet your father would like to think of you starting on your career early. Just think about it.
> 
> Longer letter later.
> 
> Love,  
>  Luisa 


End file.
